Kalistani Major History

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Reprinted from
IZQUIERDA:  The Voice of the Kalistani Left
Editorial:  Lourenne is apparently boycotting Kalistan
Al-Khali comes blue against our Canrille neighbors
Kaliburg, Ananto
April 6 4427


Premier of the Republic, Abdulaziz al-Khali drops some truth on this week's radio address

This week's radio address was delivered by the Premier of the Republic, Abdulaziz al-Khali.  As usual, the Premier's language was straightforward and rather raw.  He focused much of his attention on the Non-Aligned Movement's potential to unite developing nations in the world, and took a swing at Lourenne.  Here is the transcript of his comments:

Hello Friends and Comrades:

I just want to take a brief second to fill you in on what we're up to.  We've had a busy last few months in the Assembly, running bills proposed by the New Liberal Alliance through the Assembly.  Sometimes, we found common ground to compromise, and other times, well, let's just say that compromise had a fart's chance in the wind, you know what I'm sayin?  Because of the willingness of the NJA and the SP deputies to work together, we passed or will soon pass legislation that permitted some school choice with regard to tracking and selection at specialized schools, we got rid labeling on food that misrepresents the content of that food, we worked to expunge DNA collected from innocent people from our national databases as a privacy and justice issue, and we abolished prohibition on polygamy in line with our withdrawal from the business of regulation of marriage.  The SP thanks the NJA for their proposals, and effort on behalf of Kalistani citizens and are happy to find areas of common interest where we could make a difference for the lives of individual Kalistani people.

We are still working with Selucia and Sekowo on the Non-Aligned Movement treaty, though kind of frustratingly, progress has slowed after the Selucian Caesar voiced her opposition to the treaty and said it was going to become a dictator's club.  I categorically disagree with that characterization and have directed the Foreign Minister to have his team do what is necessary to get those discussions back on the rails.

The Non-Aligned Movement is absolutely necessary for countries like Kalistan who want to play a role in international affairs that swirl about our doorstep, but whose direction is guided almost exclusively by the world's great powers and their petty alliances.  Its time that developing nations produce an association of states that feel empowered enough, you know, to participate in the world's affairs in opposition to those great powers.  We don't want war.  We don't want the world to turn into a meat grinder like countries like Lourenne are attempting to do to Dovani, where there are wars on top of wars on top of wars.  It is really all I can do, as a matter of fact, to keep our Partisans from going to Statrica and joining the defenders against the imperialists.  Too much more of this, and I can't promise that Socialist Partisans will not get involved in that conflict, and f--k some shit up.

This is why we need the non-aligned movement:  Kalistan is still out here swinging in the breeze with an imperialist power just across the way there.  Lourenne, puppet of the Northern Council, appears to have lost their ever loving minds and have attacked, without provocation their neighbor.  They like picking on weaker nations to pursue their own imperialist dreams-  It appears that they learned their lessons from the Northern Council alliance well.  But the thing is:  See-  they only do this because they know they have nuclear powered warships guarding their six.  Imagine if Lourenne tried to do this without the power of nuclear armed states at their back.  How far do you think they would get into Statrica if they had their neighbors, who opposed their wars of choice breathing down their f--king necks?  No:  they only feel secure enough to pull this bull-sh-t because their friends in the NC have given them permission to go right on ahead and act like jackboot thugs looking for Lebensraum. 

My point is:  A powerful Non-Aligned Movement would be able to stand up to that and would be able to effectively promote peace in Dovani and in the world, while Kalistan by itself, beset on all sides by countries who either ignore its existence or want to turn it into a colony for their neo-liberal dreams of empire, can merely protest over the airwaves and in the press.  This is why I would like that Treaty completed, sooner rather than later, and with the strongest possible language.

While we're on the subject of Lourenne, now, I'm finna finish up here pretty soon, but stick with me.  I read in their news paper, translated into Luthori of course, cause I amn't as blessed as our President to be able to speak the language of our effete neighbors, excuse me.  I read in their paper that they are flying airplanes to most pats of Seleya now, but not to Kalistan.  They are boycotting us because we have the audacity to oppose their blood drenched powerplays in Dovani.

Let me ask you, Good Comrades.  Did you notice that at Kaliburg International, or Elga International, or Python International, or any of the other airports, that you couldn't get onto an AirLourenne Plane and fly to Lourenne any longer like you used to?

I didn't notice.  Wanna know why?  Because Kalistanis don't fly to f--kin Lourenne.  There's nothing for us there.  We can't even buy f--king cigarettes in Lourenne.  Did you know that?  They claim to not have laws about what people can put into their bodies, but they forbid the sales of those things that people would use.  Like:  I heard of this dude, a guy from Eveari, who flew to Lourenne (via Lodamun) with like 4 cartons of smokes.  And he was detained at the airport by Lourenne, who confiscated his cigarettes because they claimed he planned to sell them and put him on a plane that sent him to Hawu Mumenhes, of all places, just to be d--ks.

That kind of sh-t is typical of Lourenne.  So, I'm going to be non-diplomatically correct for a second here.  F--k Lourenne.  They like to f--kin needle us because they think they're the top dog in the area.  Well, ils peuvent aller baiser leurs mères.

Excuse my Canrillaise."

The Canrillaise used by the Premier at the end of his address is not translatable in this paper.  The Premier finished his speech with the briefest of apologies to the President of the Republic and the Foreign Minister, "for makin y'alls lives harder.  But not really."