Kalistan

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FM announces failure of Kalistani-New Englian Bid
"Money will be put to conservation efforts closer to home," says Sir Harney
Sulari, Duchy of Suldanor
November 15, 5713


FM Sir Thomas Harney, at Sulari Fall Gala, seen here with constant companion Quelle Jones

Sir Thomas Harney attended the Sulari Fall Society Gala with his steady, the sometime fitness and lingerie model Quelle Jones this week, where he made fairly consequential news from comments given on the record to a reporter who happened to be present.

"Well, Kalistan lost its bid in New Englia," said Sir Harney, speaking on the record to La Moda's Martin Crosby at the Gala. "They went with the Temanian/Dovanian bid, which is all well and good from Her Imperial Majesty's Perspective. At least its not an Artanian..." Pressed for details he said, "Well, we had a number of things working against us. I think Kalistan is simply not thought of very highly abroad despite our best efforts, and politically, accepting Kalistan's offer would have undermined a number of other important interests in the country. It was not in the cards for us, so the money we raised to back the Kalistani bid will be put to conservation efforts closer to home."

He outlined a few of those efforts, one of which includes permanently sealing the old KPO wells in the Strait. "Well, this was the problem. When we ended production, it was because producing oil in the Ananto Straits was becoming too expensive, and was costing us far more than it was earning us. We sold off the licenses, but eventually the operations simply ran out of exploitable oil. But the wells were capped and left there in case oil prices would ever recover to the point where whatever oil was left would be recoverable at a profit. That day never came and the operations were simply abandoned. So, as you can imagine, things get old, and we have been detecting increased amounts of pollution there associated with the oil industries out past the southern limit. Part of this money will definitely go toward permanently closing those operations, dismantling whatever infrastructure still remains out there, and sealing it all up so it no longer leeches pollution into the water or air."

He also noted conservation efforts in Northern Seleya as a whole, rather than just Kalistan. "We have close partnerships with Lodamun and Valruzia and would like to work together to perhaps sponsor a reforestation initiative or a marine wildlife initiative to promote health and balance in our ecosystem. Our nations are already committed to conservation on some level, and this money can go a long way to help strengthen and expand those efforts to continue our work in improving the environment of our continent and our individual nations."

On the impact that the exploitation of New Englia's Oil will have, Sir Harney answered, "Well, we were bidding against four other nations. We were the only ones who were asking them to not burn the oil. So there was an 80% chance that the oil would be exploited and burned anyway. But lets be honest here: The use of petro-carbons is almost universal in Terra. Kalistan was always realistic about our chances of winning the process, but we are also realistic on the impact this victory would have had. The Rossfadda field was just one in many oil fields currently being exploited. The impact our win in the process would have had would have been negligible considering that some nations gleefully pollute the atmosphere, and will continue to do so whether we won or not. But it was a symbolic gesture that we put the environment over profits. We can still do that, we just have to do it closer to home."

The bidding process now over, Sir Harney said he was moving on to the next project on the agenda. Crosby asked him less foreign policy related questions and moved on to discussion of his very public relationship with Ms. Jones. "I wouldn't say marriage," said Harney when asked about how serious he and Ms. Jones' relationship had become. "I've said it many times, we're, um, pretty good friends, and I think we are both better off that way. She's a pretty big slob at home--she eats potato chips all the time and spills her coffee. No class. You may see her all put together here, but let me tell you, in private, its like I live with a totally different person. How can I maintain my tuxedo collection when her clothing is in all of my dressers and my closet?"

Jones seemed to take it in stride. "He doesn't know it but we're already married," she said with a laugh. "No he wouldn't marry me- he has far too many girlfriends to ever marry one of them. I don't think they would put up with his womanizing." Harney laughed uncomfortably at these words. But he didn't interrupt her as she continued, "Whatever he thinks, Tom and I have spent every night together for the last two years. Wherever he goes, whoever he's seen with in public, I get it: He's a very vain person, and he loves women. But none of them understand him like I do. So maybe we don't even need marriage." As she said this, Sir Harney noticeably smiled, and gave her a peck on the cheek, which brought a huge smile to her face.

"Love you, honey," he said to her.

"Ditto," she said back to him with a smile.

Ladies across Kalistan were reportedly in tears that Sir Harney is apparently now off the market

@LaModa