Kalistani Major History

[Doc]

CQRK, CQRK

This is Radio Kaliburg, Seleya's Only Alternative

(radio announcer's voice)

Good evening fellow Kalistani's, at home and abroad.  You are now listening to Radio Kaliburg, Seleya's Only Alternative.  We are a non-profit radio collective, broadcasting over 100,000 Watts on Shortwave, over various frequencies in all bands from the heart of Kaliburg.  Our station is funded by private contributions from the good people of Kalistan, and with a generous grant from the Organization of Drug Exporting Nations, here in Kaliburg, who view it as a necessity to get that truth to all of you, as soon and in as great and varied a quantity as possible.  We aim to broadcast only the Truth and great music to all of Terra.  You have the distinct pleasure of listening to our very first broadcast.  Hopefully, you got your orange juice and skittles ready.

We will play a song quickly and then return with tonight's news briefs

[Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-9mCAA1YYY]

(radio announcer's voice)

That, lovelies, was Coyne and the Robots, with their hit "Hypnotic Assist".  It goes out to all you brothers and sisters whose Government is on a heavy heavy prohibition trip.  Remember, acid in the mind is better than acid in hand.

Now, for some news.  It seems the jackboot thugs in a certain cabal among a certain club have decided that your homeland has to be shut down, until we comply with their diktat.  These militarized goons and their Canrillaise lackies are also moving to abrogate the treaty which has kept the peace in our Ocean for nearly a decade now.  Whatever shall your friends in the Republican Government do?  Should they return to the Strait?  Should they let the valiant defenders of the ocean go wild?  Who knows what course they shall take? 

We do believe some things:  first, and you can be sure of this.  ODEN chemists are right now cooking up some wild, rainbow crystals.  We would like to point out the science of something which might be of interest.  A human dose of LSD is between 200 and 300 micrograms.  LSD is wacky water soluble, though if it is heated, it destroys the amides, and creates an inert salt.  One of ODEN's chemists has recently developed a single LSD crystal in the lab which weighs 2.6 kilograms.  There are several reservoirs in Lourenne, which deliver water directly to the population of the largest cities of Kalistan's 6th District.

These science facts are incontrovertible.  We connect no dots.

To our brothers and sisters in the Militias, we have some messages

Yoshimi is South of Sulari.  Yoshimi is South of Sulari.

Bjorksdottir lies asleep in the Anantonese Ocean.  Bjorksdottir Lies asleep in the Anantonese Ocean.

Poppy Bennots will visit Mt. Schmee.  Poppy Bennots will visit Mt. Schmee.

The cigar has gone to Port Elga.  The Cigar has gone to Port Elga

and finally

The Emperor lives on Luxon.  The Emperor Lives on Luxon

Now is the time of Readiness, Comrades. 

We close this hour with one last Song:  For Tammy and Sally right now, hustlin out on the waves, headed for Eroncourt.  This one's for you, Ladies!

[Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjDT3rMSQLQ]