Kalistani Major History

[Doc]

INTERVIEW:  The man behind Radio Kaliburg"I'm just a stoner who loves my country" says Kaliburg's new propagandist
Kalburg, Ananto
April 2, 4704


Daniel de Laurent, Host of Radio Kaliburg's nighttime programming

CQRK, CQRK

This is Radio Kaliburg, Seleya's Only Alternative

Good evening fellow Kalistani's, at home and abroad. You are now listening to Radio Kaliburg, Seleya's Only Alternative. We are a non-profit radio collective, broadcasting over 100,000 Watts on FM, AM and Shortwave, over various frequencies in all bands from the heart of Kaliburg, Kalistan, Free Territory of Terra. Our station is funded by private contributions from the good people of Kalistan, and with a generous grant from the Organization of Drug Exporting Nations, here in Kaliburg, who view it as a necessity to get that truth to all of you, as soon and in as great and varied a quantity as possible. We aim to broadcast only the Truth and great music to all of Terra.

Hopefully, you got your orange juice and skittles ready.

Kalistan has a new weapon in the deepening conflict with Lourenne, and this is how the station signs on each morning, evening and night.  During the nght and the morning, straght news and current events are mixed in with a wide mix of alternative rock, hiphop, reggae, some punk, and country.  There's a request show in the afternoon.  Radio Kaliburg is, for all practical purposes, a regular radio station, complete with underwriting hits and traffic reports.

But in the evening, it all goes political.  And the mic is handed to a genuine wildman who is an admitted pothead and a propaganda artist.  His unmistakable smooth voice has graced 88.9 FM, in Kalistan, and more than a dozen Shortwave and AM frequencies on several bands, now for four months.  But few Kalistanis are familiar with the face of the man, or the man himself, behind the voice, who's shows are a mix between excellent music, a bit of history, and more than a fair share of hard hitting propaganda.

"Thing is, man, I'm just a stoner who loves my country," says Daniel De Laurent, who anchors the evening show on Radio Kalistan.  "Like, I was in buying a few grams of herbs one day in the Market, and this ODEN dude comes out of nowhere and says 'You look like you got a face for radio.' and I was like 'Thanks?'  I mean, who the f--k says that to someone buying weed?"

De Laurent is a longtime Kaliburg resident.  His parents emigrated from Thiers, Louives, Lourenne when he was 3.  "These dudes, they were Kalistanis at one point, then like 500 years, a bunch of Kalistani Brethrenist went over there to try to start a religious party and a Brethrenist colony.  They kept an enclave there for a long time, and my folks were among the last Kalistanien to leave the country.  I don't even know if any of them are still there..." 

De Laurent always respected his Lourenne birthplace, though he soon fell in love with his adopted home.  "Man!  Are you kidding?  I went to Lourenne a few years back like to tour and backpack.  First of all:  No weed.  Second of all, most of their music is Kalistani anyway.  It's how a lot of the young kids learn to speak Luthori.  'F--k this', 'ass that', 'ganja' that's a popular word.  They dig the reggae.  But culturally, that place is a capitalistic deadzone, a real bland, boring, but very pretty place.  That's what the boot of dictatorial oppression inherent in dynastic monarchy gets you.  A bunch of inbreds at the top who basically keep the whole country as like serfs."

Kalistan on the other hand:  "Kalistan is the whole world.  This is the place where EVERYTHING is happening.  Its been that way forever.  So I mean, the choice is easy."

De Laurent was hired to host the evening program at Radio Kaliburg on the spot:  "Well, they wanted to run this lame program, talking about ODEN weed and how Lourenne should start importing it and all that.  I mean:  like I sort of snuck in the format that they got now...  I was like 'Dude, let me play some music.  I gotta have some time to keep it blazin, you know...'  and then they sort of agreed, well, maybe they didn't, but I had forgotten that they didn't and just did it anyway.  I think they were like 'Oh, this guy is going to be so f--kin high, he's going to be like a goddamned advertisement for ODEN!'  But then I started, you know, bringing the politics in.  And those heads were all like 'Holy sh-t!  This dude ain't smoked his brain out yet!'  Yeah, man.  No Sh-t." 

De Laurent was called in to the Programming Director's office after his first show.  He was finally properly interviewed, and the Programming Director discovered that de Laurent holds a PhD in political theory, and a BA in philosophy, both from Kaliburg National.  "I decided to not go work in the grind, you know.  My priorities after school were getting lifted and surfing.  Like in that order.  Once I got National Service out of the way, like the day I got out, I got stoned then bought a surfboard.  And I've been doing pretty much that ever since.  Radio Kaliburg is like my first job in maybe 15 years...  To be honest, I can't believe they pay me so much for this, because I tried to tell them I'd do it for free.  But now, I have more money than f--king Jah!  Like I could literally buy every single person, man woman and child in Lourenne like 12 joints, with just last month's salary!"

The Program Director spoke with the Station Manager, and it was agreed that de Laurent's shows should become a propaganda vehicle. "We aim the commentary at Lourenne, naturally.  I mean, they are closer to Kaliburg than a lot of places in Mainland.  And they are out there right now, like sh--ting their pants right now, because their overlords are driving their country to war in a f--king handbasket, you know?  So, I mean, we're gonna hit them.  We would be negligent if we didn't try.  We're hittin them with good music, and they should feel no pain, bro, you know what I'm saying?"

De Laurent's evening show was completely reorganized, and he was given control of the content of his program, largely due to listener response.  "The station put me on that, gave me four hours, and let me bring my lady [real-life wife Claire-Louise Bisset, who emigrated from Eroncourt to Kaliburg in 4695] in to translate some real Canrillaise stuff.  She's not Kalistanien:  No, she's the real deal! and she's more like a co-host these days.  I get to write all the copy myself, and pick all the songs.  You can say they gave me carte blanche.  Pun Intended!"


de Laurent and Bisset at 4701 Kalistan Film Festival

It is estimated that Radio Kaliburg reaches the ears of 15 million Kalistanis and more than 5 million citizens of other nations daily.  "Kalistanis know the propaganda, man.  It's like a comedy show to Kalistanis.  I've had dudes come up to me and be like 'Yo man, that sh-t last night about the paintbrush embargo was hilarious!' because you know, our Government has a habit of bragging about every goddamned thing they ever do in the papers.  If it ain't in our papers, its likely that we didn't do it.  So ts like a joke.  But, the folks in Lourenne are under strict censorship.  They aren't allowed to read news which runs contrary to like this Emperor worship sh-t.  They certainly don't get anything from Kaliburg.  Maybe if they did, they'd see that medicinal herbs are good for the mind, and get rid of those monarchical pr--ks who are controlling their brains and making them hate everyone in Kalistan.  I like to think us wishing them love will maybe help them feel a little bit, because otherwise like brotherly love is so rare in that sterile imperialist dungeon with impressive window dressings."

When asked if he's gotten any fan mail yet, de Laurent shrugged: "I mean.  Its not like we have an address or anything.  You can't send it to like the 50 relay and booster stations across the Republic (Thank you KRTVN, by the way!)  You could send it to ODEN, but they ain't exactly in the 'getting mail' business.  Plus, you know.  I'm on the radio, so its not like I'm the most recognizable people or anything.  I mean, I walked here today and wasn't molested by any fans...  Most people were like 'Outta my way, Burnout.'  Whatever.  I know people love the show.  And I know we're getting through to the good people of Lourenne...  It's just a matter of time.  Sometimes it takes the old generation to go extinct before the youth can make a change."

De Laurent was asked his politics.  "Well, the SP is kind of funny, you're party.  But I sometimes wish they'd be a bit more forward thinking...  I mean, I like the Nationalist stance of the NCP.  And I'm totally down for unions running some sh-t, so I can see the Syndicalists too...  But, you know, taking a side one way or another, I see that is like taking sides with one group against the rest of them.  I just want Kalistan to be awesome, and I want peace, and these dudes on the ships out there.  I know they don't want to fight, and they don't want to kill, and they certainly don't want to die.  The Militias, they won't win every battle either.  It's all just stupid.  We all just need to chill and smoke the Kind."

We concluded the interview by asking for some music suggestions.  "ha ha...  I think you should check out this dude called SSG, he did a song about tagging...  trying to think what it is.  Claire really is digging this Egelion like flamenco singer: 'The Baddest' is what her name is.  She did this pretty cool song a couple years back that I think you cats would dig.  Sounds a lot different than a lot of stuff out there."