Kalistani Major History

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Kalistani Hip Hop Fans roundly reject D-Rap trend
Ancient but very unpopular rap style draws immediately and violent backlash
Kaliburg, Ananto
April 20, 5058


D-Rapper Lil Duce assaulted at concert in Kaliburg

Called "the worst kind of rap" by fans and critics alike, D-Rap has reared its regressive head in the Republic once more. Over the last three years, as popular attention was turned toward Suldanor and pop punk, across the capital, in underground clubs, a terrible mixture of talentless rappers and mouth numbing drugs was brewing. The result was the return of D-Rap, a regressive form of rap with its origins in New Endralon, that first found fame online among unsigned rap artists who first utilized both easily available pro-tool suites on laptops and the rise of internet streaming services to pass their "mixtapes" around among their friends. Gradually the rap form made its way to Kalistan, where it became popular among underground car modification enthusiasts named "clowns" who used to play the music while racing their heavily modified cars on the streets of Kaliburg late at night.

D-Rap was largely forgotten as a music form, much to nobody's surprise, because its musicians were more suicidal than even Grit in its smacked up heyday. Kalistani D-Rap artists died more frequently from drug overdose, and at a much earlier age, than any other demographic in the entire Republic, and very soon, the unimaginative rap flows, which focused on triplets rapped over half time beats to give the illusion of fast rap, slurred unintelligible gibberish words, and rainbow hair and face tattoos died a natural and entirely predictable death. D-Rappers either died or retired, and by the end of the mania, there was no active D-Rapper older than the age of 24. It goes without saying that D-Rap popularity was, in its first phase, inversely proportional to the size of Socialist support in society.

Today, D-Rap has regained some of its popularity in very small underground clubs with very selective clientele in the Capital. Over the last couple years, D-Rap artists have returned to Kalistani streaming services. Most Hip Hop artists want absolutely nothing to do with them. And much of the derision has turned violent. Hip Hop legend Skinny J was arrested four years ago for assault when three famous D-Rappers Mad James, Lil Giant and Lil Bastard climbed on stage during one of J's concerts and demanded the attention of the crowd. "They were trying to say something," said Skinny J in a statement following his arrest, "but nobody could understand them, they were so f-d up and just mumbling about p--sy and sh-t like that. So when I decided to get my mic back from that dude Lil Bastard, he pushed me... Now, like, I have like 175 pounds and about a foot and a half on this guy, so I shoved him and knocked him into the stacks, and well one of them fell on him and he got hurt pretty bad. The other two attacked me, and I had to lay them out too."

As a matter of fact, most D-Rap shows are marred by violence. "Either they are shooting each other," said Precinct Commander Carole Xavier, "or more commonly, their shows are raided by both punks and hip hop fans who become so disruptive that the show has to end early." Such a disturbance happened at a Lil Duce show last Friday, where Lil Duce was onstage, and the entire crowd was composed of hip hop fans, skinheads, and mohawked punks. "Like, whydayeenpayfahahtikit is like f--kindumbdedazz bruh, nahumsayin?" said Lil Duce after the show. Duce's manager Dax Crookston asked Duce to consider cancelling the show, given the obvious hostility of the crowd, but Lil Duce decided to go on with the show.

After being loudly booed and hit several times with flying beer bottles before the first "song" ended, Duce decided that he was going to try crowd surfing. As he jumped off stage, the crowd caught his leg and proceeded to lift him up, tossing him high into the air and crashing his head into the discoball that was hanging from the ceiling. They caught him before he hit the ground again and stood him up before two particularly heavy guys, one hip hop fan and one punk proceeded to assault him. Crookston immediately called the metropolitan police, who rushed in, saving Duce's life and dispersing the crowd. Fourteen arrests were made, though it was unclear whether the actual assailants were caught.

Duce suffered two broken teeth and three broken ribs from the incident, which is growing far more common, as D-Rap tries to break out of the underground. One concert goer who witnessed the Duce assault said "Yeah, not on my watch BRUHHHHH. Take a hint you rainbow haired face tattoo freaks: Your sh-t is GARBAGE!"

Clearly there is a very violent reaction to any hints of the return of D-Rap to Kalistan.