Kalistani Major History

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Liberal Fascists of Deth release Speak Vrassan or Die on KMI
Record prompts immediate backlash from Parental Groups
Kaliburg, Ananto
May 1, 5065


LFoD, the mock Thrash band from Eveari, release a record not to be taken seriously

The so-called "Demons of Hardcore", Liberal Fascists of Deth, have joined their Thrash Brethren in releasing the newest Speedpunk album to hit Kalistani charts. Called Speak Vrassan or Die some conservative parents have already blasted the record as "...vulgar, racist, and corrupting of the morals of their children" and calling for a boycott of KMI. The controversy surrounding the record seems to have sparked sales, however, with the record debuting at number 50 on the Hard Rock Chart.

"This record is so offensive," said one parent, Jill Allen of Gendaris, "There is actually a song on it called 'Kill Yourself'. What kind of sick group has a song like 'Kill Yourself' on a record?"

We asked Allen what she thought of the song that preceded "Kill Yourself" on the album, the song called "Cereal" which talks about how the lead singer, Johnny Gordo was hungry when he was a kid and went to the kitchen to find that his mother hadn't made it to the store the previous day and now he was upset that he was out of cereal, and Ms. Allen admitted "Well, you certainly don't expect me to LISTEN to that filth, do you?!" She said she heard about the song from her preacher.

The sentiments against Speak Vrassan or Die were similar around the country, as other parents were up in arms about the record. "I saw a kid walking down the street with that satanalic symbol on his shirt, and he had a skateboard. Who knows what other trouble he was getting himself into!" said Frederick Dugarde, of Sulari. "He probably just got done sacrificing some cats." The title, referring to the lead single, talks about how whenever the lead singer tries to call up to a call center to do some mundane task, or goes to a restaurant, he encounters foreign speakers in the restaurant who are asking him for his order in a foreign language, and he finally loses his patience.


LFoD's Speak Vrassan or Die is offensive by design

Songwriter and lead guitarist Guillermo Gillian said "Speak Vrassan or Die is based on this dream I had where I was stuck in a foreign country, and everyone was speaking a bunch of Gibberish to me in the dream. Like my mom was in it and she was speaking some sort of Dorvish nonsense to me... When I woke up I wrote that song. It's funny." Other songs talk about the over machismo of the Military ("Dethmarch of Captain Q") or an actually anti-racist song about Scene Unity ("United Blood") or a bombastic dare to mosh ("The Gordo Mosh")

"We're clearly making fun of how seriously these other bands take themselves," said Gordo. "Even Guilly's main band, Pneumonia. They are just so serious about what they are singing. This is all just a joke. None of it is supposed to be taken seriously. But, you know: If you're offended by it, maybe you should be. It's about time someone offended you. Maybe these idiot parents and their special ed kids ought to relax. Let little Johnny and Little Sally buy the record, sit down and listen and decide for themselves if music is offensive, or if the problem is just you, Mom and Dad."

It seems that Millions of kids are doing just that, Landing LFoD higher on the charts than any other Thrash Album has yet climbed. The Album is out now, and its lead single "Speak Vrassan or Die" is playing on Radio 1 in heavy Rotation.

[Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cuz3t3eUqVs]