Kalistani Major History

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Fun-Loving Grit band Karma Rejects defy Stereotypes
Port Swedes trio make a run at Superstardom
Port Swedes, Vrassa
April 12, 5098


Karma Rejects, from Port Swedes “don’t actually hate it there.”

Swedeport punks Karma Rejects, a trio of youngsters who bust into the gritty Port Swedes music scene last fall have inked a development deal with Vrassa District Records. “Well, a development deal is some kinda thing where the label thinks we have potential and they want to support us while we get more experience and like learn things and stuff,” said drummer “Pat McGroin”, born Partrick Talmidge. (Pat McGroin was just simply the name he gave our interviewer. He’s never gone by that or any other name professionally to our knowledge.)

“It means we play bars and make demos on VD’s ruble,” said lead singer and guitarist Albert Courtney. “Maybe we have a future, maybe we don’t…”

If the reaction of their fans is any indication, there is plenty of future for this band who fuses punk rock energy and noise with grit abrasiveness. “I mean, we do some acoustic stuff. But I know my fans like it when I plug in the bass,” says bassist and reportedly “five foot sixteen inch tall clown” Dave Bjorksson (also not his last name.). Indeed, the band so rarely plays acoustic instruments that the line is blurred between their grit roots and their punk rock chaos lords persona.

“No, we ain’t a grit band. Who said that?” Said Courtney. “We’re a punk band.” But the group’s song structure, as well as their topical material comes straight out of grit, and they do have more than one song that involves an open snare and zero pickups. When asked about one such song “It’s okay to Eat Fish,” Courtney answered, “well that’s clearly not our song. Does that sound like anything we’d ever do?” Noting that the band just played the song at a show ten minutes before the interview, Courtney said. “That was our doubles, the Dharma Cult. They're always trying to make us look bad.”

While it is often stupidly difficult to have a linear conversation with this band about their influences (“beer and pizza”) and what their plans for the future are (McGroin said he was eventually going home to “change his draws”, whatever that means?) the band did have an unusual (and uncharacteristically coherent) take on their oft reviled home city. “No, we don’t actually hate it there,” said Bjorksson. “It does have great coffee. I suppose the rain water has an effect on a person that makes them just want to snuggle up with a book and a pitcher of coffee and drink the whole thing.” He then added “I like Sulari’s coffee too. But, you know. It often tastes like smog.”

Asked if they do drugs, the band answered in unison “No.” Courtney then walked the answer back, “I mean unless you count weed and probably acid. I think DMT finds it’s way into my lungs once or twice a week. And lots of Hutori Whiskey. With pop. That’s caffeine. I guess I do do a lot of drugs…” Bjorksson nodded and said, “Yeah me too I guess.” Drummer McGroin was resolute “You junkies. I’m high on life! Choose life!” He then proceeded to quit the band, though he remained seated with the others.

When asked if he had quit the band just now, for real, McGroin responded “oh yeah. For real. Let’s see how these losers do without a drummer.” The reporter was confused and expressed the confusion as to why the drummer had remained seated after quitting the band, and Courtney stone faced responded “He’s not in the band. Our drummer is named Talmidge. I’m not sure who this dude even is.” To which Pat McGroin responded “I’m actually still in the band. You can call me McGroin.”

The interview went further afoul from that point on. Most of what was said was utterly unprintable nonsense. Four and a half hours later, as the interview wrapped up, finally Bjorksson sent this reporter off with “Pleasure to meet you, Don’t kill anyone.”

Don’t kill anyone. It’s solid advice. Karma Rejects are playing across Vrassa now and will at some point, if they are to be believed, play in Kaliburg. Courtney, for his part, handed me a strange picture composed of random items scattered about haphazardly. “Cover art, for the record,” he said.

Strange interview, strange band, but it is clear from their music which only exists in live form as of yet, that this band is destined for greatness.