Kalistan

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Bookmakers in Kaliburg and Sulari make a Killing
"Only a few bet Under" on the line for Kundrati Collapse at Kalistan's betting dens
Sulari, Duchy of Suldanor
December 1, 5656


Sulari's "King of the Books" Tom Hawkins, reportedly just earned more than ₭4.85 Million in Vigorish

The informal Gambling cartel, the Kalistani Punters' Association, reportedly raked up more than ₭56 million Imperial in one of the most lucrative series of longshots in Kalistani History. The Bet and the Book were overseen by Sulari's professional bookie, Tom "King of the Books" Hawkins, who runs a well known betting parlor in Downtown Sulari. Hawkins himself made more than ₭4.85 million, just in his commission for insuring the bets.

The Bet in question, which has been whispered about for more a decade and a half, but never confirmed by anyone involved until now, when it was settled was between several very wealthy members of the Kalistani Business Community. The Punters' Association also joined the bet. The terms of the bet? Following the 5640 "Elections" in Kundrati, how long would it be before Kundrati collapsed, threw off the paper thin pretense of democracy and descended once more into hive mind personality cult behavior led by unreconstructed Legion Members.

Most of Kalistan's business community were themselves far more optimistic than the Kalistani Government was on the matter, and ultimately, Hawkins agreed to cover a bet of a simple over and under of 20 years. That is, The people who didn't believe that Kundrati could stay away from pointless and national suicidal posturing, fascism, and cult like behavior were willing to give it 20 years. If Kundrati made it to March 30, 5660, or about 20 years after their first election, without public backsliding to fascism and ultra nationalism, the Under bettors would forfeit their money. If it all fell apart before then, the Over bettors would lose their stake. Hawkins insured the bet and guaranteed payout with a personal deposit made in the Commercial Bank of Suldanor regardless of which side won--He agreed to do so for a Vigorish of 4 points, which is standard Vig for bookmakers in Kalistan.

The only publicly known betters were the Punters' Association, though Hawkins, as the Bookmaker of record, was recused from the Bet. In exchange he made odds, and took agreed to take side bets, such as whether, if Kundrati DID collapse, they would blame Kalistan, Luthori, Hutori, some combination, all three, or how they would collapse, or if, in the case that Kundrati succeeded, whether they would actually give Kalistan Credit for not meddling in their nation as the cause of all their success. Various elements of the betting pool joined in these side bets as well, and Hawkins treated their money the same as he did the Main pool, agreeing to keep the money safe for 4 points.

The money sat in the Bank of Suldanor for about 16 years, while it seemed that despite the hopes and prayers of the Under pool, it looked almost like Kundrati would make it 20 years. Several members of the Business Community in Kalsitan, who all publicly denied being part of the betting pool, nonetheless said that if Kundrati made it 20 years, they would begin lobbying the National Assembly to lift the restrictions on Kalistani Commerce and investment in Kundrati. It is unclear whether that would have actually happened, but the Business Community, who are at least in part aligned with the Liberal Party in Kalistan, have been strongly arguing that Kundrati could represent a way for Kalistan to get assets at firesale prices and more or less take over the markets in central Artania. The saying went--If its good enough for Hutori, its good enough for Kalistan. So many were hoping that Kundrati could keep it together.

And then, last month, it all fell completely apart. Kalistanis sat silently as Kundrati nationals, whipped up into a wild fever by their leaders spewing hatred and malice, and blaming Kalistan for everything under the sun, were easily convinced by their spiteful and malevolent cult leaders to destroy the whole country and collapse the whole economy, blaming both Kalistan and Luthori for the violence that they themselves orchestrated! "I honestly don't know what happened there," said Hawkins, "But I just watched it all go down and I was like: Yeah, we were right. They couldn't even keep their sh-- together for two decades before their demagogues were yelling at them to hate everything and everyone, and start back onto the path of darkness and state terror." But best of all for Hawkins, he knew it was time to pay out some people.

"A whole lot of people lost their shirts," said Hawkins. "It was something like 30:1 Under, which means for every 1 who bet under, 31 people voted over. That's nuts . I've honestly never seen such a lop sided bet in my life." And Hawkins also pointed out that people who made side bets were also going to get a payday. "There was this collective delusion among the business community here in Kalistan that Kundratis are rational actors. So: most of them were absolutely convinced that Kundrati had turned over a new leaf, and were on their way to actually being normal. The ones who said they would blame BOTH Kalistan and Luthori are getting the biggest chunk of cash of the entire lot of them, because you have to be part of the main pool to make the side bets, but the side bets were where the real action was."

Hawkins said, "Just on Vigorish alone, I made ₭4,857,430. Which means the various pools themselves were over $124 Million, split between not only the Punters' Association, which made several collective bets, most of which were correct, by the way, because they are professional bookmakers and live for stats, but also about 18 other individuals, who I gotta keep my mouth closed about. Whatever the eventual payout, that is a huge sum of money. And a lot of people, well, they just lost. Because they were making like 1:30 bets on over at the end, which is about as close to even money as you can get... They were betting on hope, on what they thought was a sure thing, but its Kundrati, so betting on the sure thing is probably going to be a losing bet."

The news of the Bet, which was more like a confirmation of the Bet which has been whispered about for years, is now bringing light and scrutiny onto the Punters' Association. Her Imperial Majesty's Minister for Internal Affairs, Ms. Katherine Sorenson, who oversees administration of the law in Kalistan, said of the bet, "Her Imperial Majesty, Empress Mary I Ananto, congratulates the winners of this Bet. Neither she, nor House Ananto, nor any member of the Royal Family participated in this bet, but she recognizes the 'Under''s clear vision and pessimism with regard to that nation. The Ministry reminds Kalistanis that gambling, including working with Private Bookmakers on laying money on various propositions, is completely legal and regulated in Kalistan. We are sure winners will pay taxes on their windfalls, as any good citizen may be expected to do. However, We hae requested a sit down with the leadership of this so-called Punters' Association, to ensure they are properly incorporated, and are adhering to Kalistan's Gambling regulations, primarily for the protection against exploitation of bet makers in Kalistan, but also to ensure that this association is free of any hint of racketeering or organized crime. We have scheduled time with them in Sulari this month, and will ensure that all laws and regulations are being complied with."

Mr. Hawkins assures La Moda that he has indeed paid his taxes on his earnings. "Staying on the correct side of the law is just one of many costs of my business," said Hawkins. "But paying taxes is ultimately cheaper than losing my parlor for tax evasion." He smiles and raises his glass of celebratory whiskey: "Those stupid wonderful, hateful brainwashed Kundrati bastards! Let me just say... Thank you... From the bottom of my heart," He shook his head in utter disbelief as he took a sip. "Those fools doubled my salary this year."

@LaModa