Kalistani Major History

[Doc]

Noise Alt Revolution deepens as more bands come out of the underground
Volume sharply divides music lovers in the Republic
Sulari, Suldanor
October 8, 5317


Yoshimi's gritty Noise act G-d D-mn-d M-th-F-ck-rs melt brains at recent Sulari Concert

Kalistan's Music industry is roaring back from a century of pop and soft rock which dominated the airwaves in the last part of the Imperial Era as the Major labels are in bidding wars over the next loudest Undergound Noise Alternative band. In this instance, we see the band which is hands down the loudest act to come out of this movement, Yoshimi's G-d D-mn-d M-th- F-ck-rs. The Five piece act, led by sisters Geraldine and Donna Gousard, on Rhythm Guitar/Vocals and Viola respectively, blasted forth with Headset full of guitar feedback, full cymbal crashes and distortion that sounds like they are in the process of electrocuting their guitars.

"We were listening to these p-ss--s from Sulari and thought, 'man, we've been blowing out amplifiers for like 5 years. They sound like Sunday School," said Geraldine Gousard. "Anything these m-th-r f-ck-rs can do we've already done louder!" And they now have their chance to prove it: Their debut album "Live, From a Rocket Engine," hits stores this week. Early previews, including their first single "Learning to Fly" suggests that they indeed have the chops to back up their braggadocio.

"I heard 'Learning to Fly' on M7 last week," said Sulari teen Jennie Gomez. "It really was quite loud. I mean, you wouldn't even be able to hear her singing, if she wasn't all gritty and basically yelling at full power right along with the band." Britney Hermann, Gomez' friend, also offered comment, "My mother tells me to turn my music down. Like I was blasting this on the stereo, and mom was like 'Can you turn that garbage off?! It's too loud!' And I was like No way Mom, you don't even understand!"

The emergence of the movement being dubbed Noise Alternative, which began with Queen of Surf is indeed dividing music lovers in Kalistan. Most record buyers still prefer softer, more melodic music like the Compact Club, or acapella groups like Reynoldia Trio. The top bands on the Hot 100 Charts are still mainly acoustic or acapella groups, who are singing the music which has been popular for a generation in Kalistan. If you ask anyone over 25 what they think of Noise Alternative, most of them will say it is far too loud. "I like more mellow music," said Eshar native Hank Jerome, age 26. "Like you know, the kind you and and your sweetheart can pour a glass of wine to and maybe smoke a cigar to." Meanwhile kids, who have generally embraced Noise Alternative do so because they reject the "Yuppie, upper middle class sensibilities of bourgeois assholes who are destroying anything and everything good about Kalistani Culture with their white bread, boring ass vanilla bullsh-t." in the words of 13 year old Robert Henderson, of Dulnerstaad. "My mother puts that garbage on when she picks up my brother from soccer practice and it just makes me want to kill myself," said Henerson. "Imagine how I feel when I hear a band like G-d D-mn-d M-th- F-ck-rs. Like there is hope."

The Noise Alternative scene is also largely led by female fronted, mixed gender bands. "This is Kalistan," said Louise "Lou" Albertson. "Like that crap most people listen to is like whiny dudes crying about their little girl friends. Give me a break."

While G-d D-mn-d M-th- F-ck-rs may be just another front in the youth-led war against "bland", they appear to be just another example of a shift in attitude in Kalistan, and another piece of evidence of a revival of Kalistani culture. "Yes, our culture has been dormant for like hundreds of years," said Bruce Pepper, age 45. "We kind of like it that way. Smooth, predictable. I hear stories of the past, where people who habitually smoked marijuana or did hallucinogenic drugs had orgies in public while loud music played at massive three day long bachanalias. And for me and my family, I say No Sirree! Not for me. These kids these days... they'll grow out of it."

M7, for its part, doesn't seem to agree. Yesterday, on air Video Announcer Blake Ignacio actually read the hate mail M7 has gotten at an alarmingly increasing rate over the last year: "You people are playing that loud music. Stop." or "Why don't you people put some decent artists on with some class." or "Do you know what my son did? He went out and bought an amplifier. AN AMPLIFIER!" or "Kalistan is going down the toilet and it is M7's fault." For his part, Ignacio simply shrugged and announced the next video, Queens of Surf's new single "Christian" which is a song about a girl who loses her sexually confused boyfriend to a dude. It had predictably lots and lots of distortion.

You can check out G-d D-mn-d M-th- F-ck-rs on M7 and listen to their new single "Learning to Fly" right here!

[Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-xXfgkqpI0]